


cards, drama, and straight-up bitchin'

by halftimethickie



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gender Neutral Apprentice, Just thought I'd add that, Modern AU btw, Multi, also lucio getting roasted, asra is very very flirty, because i think it's funny, like every single chapter, lots of swearing, mainly asra cussing julian out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halftimethickie/pseuds/halftimethickie
Summary: The Arcana chat fic.Based off of eithera) Random scenarios in my heada) Actual conversations with my friendsUSERNAMES:what does the fox say - asraBootleg Starkiller - apprenticeQueen - nadiaShakespeare’s Personal Whore - julianmuriel_ - murielcat_mommie - portiagreen_gucci_suit - lucio





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> im really gonna love writing this fic!!
> 
> and tbh i'll probably never follow through with that lucio smut i was writing oops...
> 
> so just have this instead!!
> 
> i rlly hope u enjoy!!
> 
> apologies for any typos im rlly rlly bad w those,,,,

10:07 A.M.

**what does the fox say** has added 5 users: **Queen,** **Shakespeare’s Personal Whore** , **muriel_** , **cat_mommie** , and **green_gucci_suit**

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Did you really have to add ALL of them, Asra

**what does the fox say**

lmao why not you wanted a group chat?? u even said so??????

**muriel_** has left

**muriel_** has been added

**muriel_** has left

**muriel_** has been added

**muriel_** has left

**muriel_** has been added

**muriel_**

why hasn’t god killed me yet 

**what does the fox say**

i gotta say babe u have some dedication lol 

**what does the fox say**

also don’t forget abt our date tomorrow <3333333 smoochies

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You guys are going on a date?? AND I WASN’T ALERTED??? HELLO????

**muriel_**

asra no don’t say anything i know you’re gonna say something bad

**what does the fox say**

gotta keep the nasties a secret, dear friend (¬‿¬ )

**muriel_** has left

**what does the fox say**

AHSJJNAJSH BABE NOOOOOOOOO

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Such a sad, sad tale

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

I am just in awe at the fact that those two are in a relationship. Who could imagine quiet, intimidating Muriel dating little bitch Asra Alnazar? Astonishing.

**what does the fox say**

i will fucking kick your ass to pluto you fake ass instagram thot dont fucking test me you whore

**what does the fox say**

32 follower having ass bitch

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

YOU SLAPPED MY FRAPPE OUT OF MY HAND WHEN I SAID I LIKED TAYLOR SWIFT HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE YOU FOR SUCH A HEINOUS CRIME?

**what does the fox say**

TAYLOR SWIFT IS FOR COUNTRY ASS BUMPKINS IT’S ALL ABOUT ARIANA GRANDE YOU ONE BRAINCELLED SACK OF FLOUR

**cat_mommie**

Ilya you just gonna take that or

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

YOU AREN’T EVEN DEFENDING ME PASHA!

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

NADIA? CAN Y O U DEFEND ME IN THESE TRYING TIMES?

**Queen**

No, it’s quite fun watching you get roasted into oblivion by Asra. This is a good start to my morning.

**Queen**

And speaking of roasting, @ **green_gucci_suit** you still haven’t paid me for fixing your computer last week. I’m this close to turning you into a KFC Bucket Meal.

**_Queen_ ** _sent an image_

**green_gucci_suit**

Your fingers are touching?

**Queen**

Exactly.

**green_gucci_suit**

...You know i was kinda hoping you forgot about it

**Queen**

I forget nothing, I am god. Hand over the money, you prick.

**cat_mommie**

Get em babe roast his ass

**green_gucci_suit**

I thought you liked me portia??

**cat_mommie**

nice joke blondie

**what does the fox say**

tbh i only added you to make fun of you, lucio

**green_gucci_suit**

I could just as easily make fun of you

**what does the fox say**

try me receding hairline jojo siwa lookin ass 

**what does the fox say**

anyway speaking of adding

**muriel_** has been added

**muriel_**

why

**green_gucci_suit**

muriel! Can you at least defend me???

**muriel_**

no

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

Sorry buddy, you just got denied by Muriel LMAO

**muriel_**

don’t act like we’re friends

**what does the fox say**

take that punk ass suck my DICK

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

Yeah, I already have.

**what does the fox say**

just because we’re exes doesn’t mean you gotta be a bitch about it holy shit

**Queen**

Pardon me Asra, but I don’t recall your language being this vulgar?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

She has a point you know, I never hear you swear

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Apart from the one time you muttered ‘frick’ when you found out Faust chewed your charging cord lol

**what does the fox say**

the only person here who’s heard me audibly swear is my honey bear muri but i’m sure he doesn’t want me to talk about it ;)

**muriel_**

don’t

**what does the fox say**

ey what can i say ur finger lickin good

**muriel_**

WHAT THE FUCK

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

LMAO

**cat_mommie**

ASRA I CAN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Asra you need Jesus

**what does the fox say**

yea i met jesus he fucked me in the ass real good

**what does the fox say**

...but he doesn’t want me to talk about it i guess

**muriel_**

i’m drinking bleach tonight from shot glasses have fun finding my corpse on the fucking floor

**what does the fox say**

NO WAIT DONT BABE I LOVE YOU

**muriel_**

fine i wont

**Queen**

Wait Muriel, did… did you actually swear?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Oh my god he DID

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Guess it’s from hanging out with Asra too much

**cat_mommie**

GUYS I KNOW THIS IS OFF TOPIC BUT PEPI JUST CURLED UP ON NADIA'S CHEST AND SHE’S JUST LAYING THERE PURRING SEND HELP

**_cat_mommie_ ** _sent an image_

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

Even more reasons to love Pepi. Tell her I say hi!

**what does the fox say**

omg that’s so cute i love u pepi hiiiiiiii!!!!!

**green_gucci_suit**

Gotta say, i’m more of a dog person lol

**what does the fox say**

no one asked you baldi go be basic somewhere else

**what does the fox say**

GUYS I HEARD MURIEL LAUGH FROM THE BEDROOM I MADE HIM LAUGH

**muriel_**

no you didn’t

**what does the fox say**

YES YES I DID

**muriel_**

okay fine maybe i thought it was a little funny

**what does the fox say**

brb giving big boy all my uwus be back in a sec

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

You don’t have to flaunt the fact that you have a husband.

**cat_mommie**

You don’t have to be salty because you’re single

**Bootleg Starkiller**

boom roasted

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

Okay maybe I’m single and lonely who cares not me.

**green_gucci_suit**

You could always date me

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

I have standards, Lucenzo, and they don’t go below sea level.

**_what does the fox say_ ** _sent an image_

**what does the fox say**

surprised u actually let me take a picture (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

**muriel_**

it was for you so it was fine

**what does the fox say**

awwwww <3333

**Bootleg Starkiller**

So are we just gonna ignore the fact Julian absolutely destroyed Lucio or

**what does the fox say**

WAIT WHAT

**what does the fox say**

AHAHAHAHAHA

**what does the fox say**

LMAO @ **green_gucci_suit** GET FUCKED

**green_gucci_suit**

I wish :(

**cat_mommie**

Go on Grindr or something you horny old man

**cat_mommie**

Ilya won’t cause he’s a COWARD

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

I don’t want you holding my desperation over my head, Pasha. I know you would.

**cat_mommie**

...You right

**cat_mommie**

Well I gotta go take care of Pepi and then me n Nadi are gonna for a walk so byee!!!!

**what does the fox say**

bye partner in crime!!!

**cat_mommie**

Be gay do crimes!!!!!!!

**Queen**

Quoting Portia: Be gay, do crimes.

**cat_mommie**

I’m educating you on memes later so you can be the ultimate memelord how’s that sound

**Queen**

I would love that!

**_Queen_ ** _has logged off_

**_cat_mommie_ ** _has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

Well it was fun getting bullied ig

**_green_gucci_suit_** _has_ _logged off_

**Shakespeare’s Personal Whore**

Gonna go read a book or something.

**_Shakespeare’s Personal Whore_ ** _has logged off_

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I’ll leave you two alone then ;)

**_Bootleg Starkiller_ ** _has logged off_

**what does the fox say**

ooh you know what that means ;))))

**muriel_**

oh boy

**_what does the fox say_ ** _has logged off_

  
**_muriel__ ** _has logged off_


	2. the mild roasting of julian devorak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this is actually kind of a stress reliver;;

2:18 A.M.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Do you think that dogs think humans are adorable in the same way that we think they are adorable?

**what does the fox say**

wtf why are you awake

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I could ask you the same thing, cotton swab.

**what does the fox say**

oh please ive heard worse

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Oh really?

**what does the fox say**

yeah it was you moaning my name

**what does the fox say**

now go the fuck to sleep

_**Shakespeare's Personal Whore** has logged off_

**what does the fox say**

oh my god it actually worked

_**what does the fox say** has logged off_

* * *

10:29 A.M.

**cat_mommie**

That was one hell of an exchange to read

**Queen**

Agreed.

_**Queen** has changed their username to _ _**Meme Queen** _

**Meme Queen**

I felt it was appropriate, as I am now knowledgeable in the field.

**cat_mommie**

Omg yes

**what does the fox say**

we stan a queen

**muriel_**

hey asra quick question about what you said at 2:18 in the morning

**what does the fox say**

yea babe?

**muriel_**

what the fuck.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I have to agree with Muriel on that

**what does the fox say**

i am the truth teller i speak for the truth

**what does the fox say**

the truth says im a truth teller

**Bootleg Starkiller**

So what about the time you lied and told me that crabgrass was made from burying crab meat in the ground?

**what does the fox say**

honestly that was ur fault for believing me (;・ω・)

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Still.

**what does the fox say**

i was drunkkkk dont hold drunk asra accountable

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I could hold drunk Asra accountable for a lot of things.

**what does the fox day**

ok blowjob boy go off

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I SHOW UP FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU'RE ALREADY PULLING THIS SHIT WITH ME?

**muriel_**

asra please

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Thank you, Muriel!

**muriel_**

don't talk to me

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Ouch.

**what does the fox say**

oh hey off topic but yall wanna get together friday for some mischief (✧ω✧)

**green_gucci_suit**

Does this mischief include truth or dare?

**what does the fox say**

bold of you to assume i would invite you (￢_￢;)

**what does the fox say**

but idrc u can come ig ┐( ˘_˘ )┌ and yes to the truth or dare

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

What's with the sudden use of kaomojis?

**what does the fox say**

because i feel like it you sunburnt twink

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Whatever, I'm just gonna chill. @ **Bootleg Starkiller** Wanna come over sometime today to hang out?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yea sure! I'll be there around noon

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Great!

**what does the fox say**

is ilya finally getting some game

**what does the fox say**

find out more at www.julianhasliterallynochance.com

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I hate you.

_**Shakespeare's Personal Whore** has logged off_

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Aww you made him log off :( bad Asra

**what does the fox say**

oh well

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

**cat_mommie**

well that was entertaining to watch

**Meme Queen**

Mood.

**cat_mommie**

Omg... you're already using the language.... I love you.......

**Meme Queen**

I love you too, if not more!

**cat_mommie**

Aww :D

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

_**Meme Queen** has logged off  
_

**what does the fox say**

portia and nadia are so pure omg

**muriel_**

yea i guess it's cute

**what does the fox say**

im gonna shower u in compliments like that

**muriel_**

noooooo

**what does the fox say**

yesssssssss

**green_gucci_suit**

You two are kinda cute together imo

**what does the fox say**

hhh forgot u were still here

**green_gucci_suit**

:(

_**green_gucci_suit** has logged off_

**muriel_**

do you really have to be like that every time he shows up

**what does the fox say**

it's called a grudge, muri

**muriel_**

a grudge for what

**what does the fox say**

motherfucker was rude to you and my friends and expected to be treated like royalty how tf am i supposed to let that slide (`△´＃)

**muriel_**

fair point

_**muriel_** has logged off_

_**what does the fox say** has logged off  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed this chapter


	3. julian has a crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh spaghettios this is where some (very very mild) drama comes in,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hold onto ur collective asses im boutta do sumn in this chapter
> 
> (for context, julian is hanging with portia and nadia, and the apprentice is hanging with muriel and asra. that'll be important ;) heehee)

12:42 P.M.

**cat_mommie**

GUYS

**cat_mommie**

PIPING HOT TEA

**what does the fox say**

OH?????? IM LISTENING

**cat_mommie**

JULIAN LIKES SOMEONE

**what does the fox say**

O H ?????

  
  
**cat_mommie**

AND HE SAYS WE ALL KNOW THEM

**cat_mommie**

AND THAT THEY'RE IN THIS CHAT

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Holy s

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You burnt my tongue with that tea oh my god

**what does the fox say**

@ **Shakespeare's Personal Whore** CARE TO ELABORATE, YOUR WHORENESS???

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

PASHA!

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE!

**cat_mommie**

Oopsie

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Better start talking, Jules

**cat_mommie**

Hehe

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

@ **Meme Queen** Help me. PLEASE.

**Meme Queen**

No, sorry. This is fun.

**what does the fox say**

even muriel wants to know >:3c better start talkin boy

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I came out here to have a good time, and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

**Meme Queen**

That was basic. Step up your meme game, kid.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

EVERYONE IS ATTACKING ME. I AM GOING TO COMMIT SEVERAL CRIMES.

* * *

**Bootleg Starkiller >> Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Alright you can spill we're in DMs

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Oh god. Uh, okay? This is sudden?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm waitinggggggg

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I'm nervous!

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm not gonna tell anyoneeeee I swear! :)

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

That smile is frightening.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

It's friendly! :) See?

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

You sound like you want to kill me.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I don't!!!!! Please come on just spill the beans Jules

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Well... can I describe them for you?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yes yes absolutely

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Okay. Give me a minute.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Right-o daddy-o

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Don't.... say that. Ever again.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Right-o Juli-o?

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

...Better.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Anyway...

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I don't know, sometimes the look they get in their eyes whenever they talk about something they love is... really, REALLY adorable. Like, their eyes sparkle a LOT. And when they grin they have such a cute smile, and the wrinkles they get when they do is just... also really adorable? They have such a soothing voice, and whenever I talk to them, I can't help but just close my eyes for a minute and listen to them talk about how their day was, or this upcoming show they want to see, or even just mindless blabbering. It's even better when they talk about something that they're interested in. Just the pure enthusiasm in their voice is enough to shake me out of a depressive mood, and their overall presence just makes me a whole lot happier somehow?

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Ugh, Pasha was right when she said I fell really bad for them...

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Soo.... I think you just described Lucio, right?

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

NEVER. I HATE HIM. I LOATHE SUCH A CREATURE.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Who??? I don't think anyone here is polyamorous so you probably couldn't date them

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Well...

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

There is... one thing that'll be a dead give away.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Do you have the hots for Asra???

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. PERISH THE THOUGHT THIS INSTANT.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm teasingggggg!

**Bootleg Starkiller**

But go on, throw the supposed 'dead give away' out

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Okay.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

One time we went out for ice cream but I dropped mine like an absolute idiot, and they gave me theirs instead (which, frankly, made me very happy and also a little ashamed because that was their ice cream that they spent money on, but I was happy that they wanted to give it to me, despite me insisting we that we shared).

**Bootleg Starkiller**

But I did that?

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Yes, I know.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Wait so

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You

* * *

**muriel_**

why did i just hear @ **Bootleg Starkiller** scream really loud

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Wait, what?

**what does the fox say**

hold on they're running around yelling like they're possessed brb

**cat_mommie**

@ **Shakespeare's Personal Whore** You did something, you absolutely did something

**muriel_**

they're crying

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

WHAT?

**cat_mommie**

AHBDJNJA ILYA WHAT DID YOU DO

**what does the fox say**

JULIAN FUCKING DEVORAK

**what does the fox say**

THEY ARENT MAKING ANY SENSE ALL I COULD MAKE OUT WAS YOUR NAME

**what does the fox say**

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THEM IM GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU

_**Shakespeare's Personal Whore** has logged off_

**cat_mommie**

Wait why did he log off

**cat_mommie**

@ **Shakespeare's Personal Whore** Hey dude come back

**cat_mommie**

@ **muriel_** Do you know what they're saying??

**muriel_**

no they're just straight up crying rn but it doesnt seem sad

**cat_mommie**

Wait hold on I hear? Something???

**Meme Queen**

I think Julian might be crying right now. I can barely hear him, but it's still audible.

**cat_mommie**

YEAH OKAY OPERATION WHAT HAPPENED WITH ILYA BRB

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

_**Meme Queen** has logged off_

* * *

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore >> Bootleg Starkiller**

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I am so so sorry.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I didn't mean to make you cry like that, I sincerely apologize.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

NO I YELLED BECAUSE I WAS SO CAUGHT OFF GUARD BUT LIKE HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I STARTED RUNNING AROUND AND TRYING TO EXPLAIN BUT APPARENTLY I WAS BABBLING AND IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS UPSET

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I PROMISE YOU IM NOT UPSET AT ALL

**Bootleg Starkiller**

IF ANYTHING IM OVERJOYED IVE WANTED YOU TO BE MY BOYFRIEND FOR LIKE

**Bootleg Starkiller**

A G E S

**Bootleg Starkiller**

ILYSM!!!!!!

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

I'm... stunned, to say the least.

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

You... actually love me?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

WHAT DID I JUST SAY JULES

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

So... does this make us... a thing? Like, we're... dating?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Um, yea??? HELLO??? I LOVE YOU????????

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

...Oh. Well, I love you too, then.

* * *

**cat_mommie**

Good news: Julian stopped crying (I think)

Bad news: The door is locked

**Bootleg Starkiller**

@ **Shakespeare's Personal Whore** Unlock the door for them Jules

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

Alright.

_**Shakespeare's Personal Whore** has logged off_

**Meme Queen**

Body has been found. Puffy eyes and several tissues scattered on the floor.

**cat_mommie**

Brb it's comfort Ilya time

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

**_Meme Queen_ ** _has_ _logged off_

**what does the fox say**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** what did he say to you???

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Idk if he wants me to say

**muriel_**

if he hurt you i'm going to kill him

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Guys. He didn't. Hurt. Me. I appreciate it but. Stop.

**what does the fox say**

come back to muriel's room ur tellin us everything

**Bootleg Starkiller**

fineee

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

**_muriel__ ** _has logged off_

**_what does the fox say_ ** _has logged off_

* * *

12:59 P.M.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

And that's the story of how I messed up the entire world for approximately five minutes

**muriel_**

you didn't type anything

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That's... that's the joke

**Shakespeare's Personal Whore**

You didn't mess up the world dear, it was just a misunderstanding.

_**Shakespeare's Personal Whore** has changed their username to **Starkiller's Personal Whore**_

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

That's better.

**cat_mommie**

I CHOKED

**Meme Queen**

Can confirm, she indeed choked on a piece of bread.

**what does the fox say**

wow i was,,, not expecting julian to actually have some game

**what does the fox say**

bet he was sappy af

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Oh you bet he was... and I LOVED IT

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

If you want to send screenshots, you can. My dignity is pretty much nonexistent at this point, so I don't mind.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Alrighty

_**Bootleg Starkiller** sent an image_

**_Bootleg Starkiller_ ** _sent an image_

**_Bootleg Starkiller_ ** _sent an image_

**cat_mommie**

OH MY GOD ILYA YOU'RE SO SAPPY I CANT BELIEVE IT

**cat_mommie**

AND WHEN THEY REALIZED OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING

**what does the fox say**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** YOU THOUGHT HE WAS DESCRIBING LUCIO?? THEN M E??? IS IT CRACK?? IS IT CRACK UR SMOKING??????

**Meme Queen**

It was a really cute exchange to read, though, you have to admit that.

**muriel_**

i guess

**what does the fox say**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** when you told us you had the hots for someone we didnt expect that you had the hots for the theater nerd

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Shush he's my boyfriend now if you say anything bad I'm taking Faust home for the weekend

**what does the fox say**

noooooo not my babyy

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That's what I thought >:(

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Jules

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Yes?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

When I'm done lounging around at Asra and Muriel's place I'm coming over to your house, that sound good

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Yes, absolutely!

**cat_mommie**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**what does the fox say**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Meme Queen**

Ooh!

**muriel_**

good god you guys are insane

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

WE AREN'T DOING ANYTHING PROMISCUOUS.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Unless?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

;)

**cat_mommie**

IM YELLIGN

**Meme Queen**

This is spectacular!

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

STOP, I CAN HEAR YOU TWO HOWLING LIKE HYENAS FROM THE LIVING ROOM.

**what does the fox say**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** im dmming you with some important info in regards to ilya

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Info you say

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

ASRA, NO.

**what does the fox say**

asra yes (˵¯͒〰¯͒˵)

* * *

**what does the fox say >> Bootleg Starkiller**

**what does the fox say**

okay so first things first

**what does the fox say**

julian is a mega bottom he will do ANYTHING for you

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I... do not have those intentions

**what does the fox say**

doesnt matter >:3

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Asraaaa I just wanted to hang out with him and like, cuddle

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Maybe watch a movie together and h*ld h*nds

**what does the fox say**

GASP

**what does the fox say**

no h*nd h*lding before marriage you absolute idiot!!!!!!

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Ah heck sorry sir (￣^￣)ゞ

**what does the fox say**

finally you join the dark side ft. kaomojis

**what does the fox say**

well have fun with your super extra boyfriend who will serenade you the moment you walk in the door

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Bet

* * *

**Bootleg Starkiller**

@ **Starkiller's Personal Whore** Are you gonna serenade me the moment I walk in the door

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Well now that you mention it, I might.

**what does the fox say**

SEE I WAS RIGHT

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You're unbearable Asra

**Bootleg Starkiller**

But Imma get going soon so @ **Starkiller's Personal Whore** prepare for lots of cuddles and kisses

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Okay. <3 <3

**what does the fox say**

whipped

**cat_mommie**

whipped

**Meme Queen**

Whipped.

**what does the fox say**

muriel say it pls

**muriel_**

whipped

**what does the fox say**

YAYYYYY

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I hate you all.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** Not you, I love you.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Ha take that nerds

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Me - 1

You guys - 0

**cat_mommie**

Damn can't argue with that

**cat_mommie**

Nadi and I are gonna go out on a date soon so see yall!!

**what does the fox say**

bye garfield!!!

**cat_mommie**

bye silver the hedgehog!!!

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

**_Meme Queen_ ** _has logged off_

**what does the fox say**

welp muri and i are gonna cuddle bc gay rights

**muriel_**

can inanna join

**what does the fox say**

of course!!

**muriel_**

yay

_**what does the fox say** has logged off_

**_muriel__ ** _has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

Congrats on finally roping someone in, Julian

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm giving you 3 seconds to take that back before I kill you

**green_gucci_suit**

...Taken back

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That's better

**Bootleg Starkiller**

@ **Starkiller's Personal Whore** Nyoomin over rn!! see you soon ily

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Okay, I love you too!

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

**_Starkiller's Personal Whore_ ** _has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

I'm always getting threatened with death wtf

_**green_gucci_suit** has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this rotted in my drafts for three days holy sh


	4. preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> portia and asra's galaxy brains gain access to the one braincell they share, mitosis happens, and shit happens lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SWEATS
> 
> im sorry for not updating but oh my god ive been laughing about some songs, i'll incorporate them into this chapter
> 
> once again, sorry if there's any typos asvgdbhfjg here u gooooooo

1:17 P.M.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** I think you dropped something.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

What??

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Your standards. Hi, I'm Julian.

**cat_mommie**

I can't believe you actually said it to them

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Pay up, Pasha. Money's money.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That was amazing but if you talk bad about yourself one more time I'm gathering the gang to take you out shopping

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Shopping doesn't sound too bad, dear.

**cat_mommie**

Before any shopping occurs......

**cat_mommie**

We need a plan

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

A plan for what?

**cat_mommie**

GAME NIIIIIIIIGHT

**what does the fox say**

GAME NIGHT GAME NIGHT GAME NIGHT

**Bootleg Starkiller**

More like Gay Night am I right fellas

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Who am I kidding I'm 100% correct

**what does the fox say**

always, just not in your choice of men

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm calling the nut busters on you

**what does the fox say**

ill protest by holding up a sign that says 'ghosts are shitty'

**cat_mommie**

The ghost has invaded my butt

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Grandma has died

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

What is going on?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

When Asra, Portia, and I hung out together at my place and got drunk we played an album called 'Super Ghostbusters', easily the best night of my life

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Here's the link

**Bootleg Starkiller**

[Please listen to it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynQsDFxTSU4)

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I'm... so, so concerned for you. Why would you listen to this?

**what does the fox say**

it is fucking ART shut up

**cat_mommie**

Sorry Ilya, I second Asra on this one

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY IS IT JUST THE SAME GHOSTBUSTER'S MUSIC BUT EDITED DIFFERENTLY EVERY TIME.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That's what's so magical

**cat_mommie**

Well while my dumb babie idiot brother freaks out about Super Ghostbusters, let's make Game Night Plants(tm)

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

1\. I am older than you.

2\. This album is greater than I could ever imagine.

**cat_mommie**

1\. Does not matter

2\. Yes you are correct

**what does the fox say**

anyway for the Night of the Games(tm) i had a an idea that maybe all of us could pitch a game idea that we couldnt refuse (i vote twister)

**cat_mommie**

That's a great idea! (I also vote twister)

**cat_mommie**

@ **Starkiller's Personal Whore** @ **Bootleg Starkiller** @ **Meme Queen** @ **muriel_** @ **green_gucci_suit** GAME IDEAS, GO

**green_gucci_suit**

Truth or Dare

**cat_mommie**

Not surprised

**Meme Queen**

If we don't play Just Dance, I'm not going.

**cat_mommie**

Omg,,,,, youre gonna be the dancing queen

**Meme Queen**

Oh, you bet.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Poker?

**cat_mommie**

...No

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Hey, Asra said you couldn't refuse the offer.

**what does the fox say**

we can refuse yours if we feel like it

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** Back me up here, darling.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Jules and I can play strip poker in a bedroom

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Alone ;)

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Just kidding lol

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Oh god. I thought you actually meant it for a second.

**what does the fox say**

good fucking christ just bone already

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

ASRA.

**what does the fox say**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**cat_mommie**

cough cough ANYWAY

**cat_mommie**

@ **muriel_** Come on, you got an idea?

**muriel_**

uh

**muriel_**

i don't know

**what does the fox say**

awww cmon babe you can do it

**muriel_**

...pictionary?

**what does the fox say**

hell yea!! cant wait for ilyas horrible drawing skills to kill us all

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

THEY ARE NOT HORRIBLE. I'M JUST AN ABSTRACT ARTIST.

**cat_mommie**

That's what they all say

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I. AM. AN. ABSTRACT. ARTIST.

**cat_mommie**

An abstract artist that works at Starbucks?

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I can incorporate my craft into anything.

**what does the fox say**

so when you spill the drink as you hand it over you call it abstract

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

That was one time, Asra. One. Time.

**what does the fox say**

the stains will never wash out of my clothes you bumbling fool

**what does the fox say**

i am forever cursed with the Stain of Ilyushka(tm)

**Bootleg Starkiller**

...Back on topic, I vote the classic 7 Minutes in Heaven, not strip poker

**what does the fox say**

thats equally as bad

**Bootleg Starkiller**

We all have to crawl back to 2015 Deviantart x reader fanfiction at some point in our lives

**what does the fox say**

..............fuck ur right

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Well, I guess I'll vote the same as @ **Bootleg Starkiller**.

**what does the fox say**

whipped

**cat_mommie**

Whipped

**Meme Queen**

Whipped.

**green_gucci_suit**

whipped

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Whipped

**muriel_**

whipped

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

ARE YOU SERIOUS? AGAIN? ALL OF YOU?!

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

@ **Bootleg Starkiller** EVEN YOU?!

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Ily but you're so whipped

**cat_mommie**

wELL ANYWA Y

**cat_mommie**

We have Twister, truth or dare, Just Dance, Pictionary, and 7 Minutes in Heaven

**cat_mommie**

See all you nerds (and lovely queen Nadi) Fridayyy

**Meme Queen**

<3

**cat_mommie**

<3

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

**_Meme Queen_ ** _has logged off_

**what does the fox say**

so pure,,

**what does the fox say**

@ **muriel_** be prepared to be locked in a small-ass closet w me friday <333

**muriel_**

ok

_**what does the fox say** has logged off_

_**muriel_** has logged off_

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Well see ya Friday, Jules <3

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Alright. <3

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

__

_**Starkiller's Personal Whore** has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

Ah yes, I am forever doomed with loneliness

**green_gucci_suit**

:'(

_**green_gucci_suit** has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be lucio centered?? whaaaaA????
> 
> also why do i portray asra as like. a fucking goblin. why? i dont know. i dont know i d


	5. mean girls (no copyright, though)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uH oH gAmErS!!!11!!1!1!!! l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lUcIo B-b-b-b-b-brOuGhT h-h-hIs F-FrIeNdS!!1!!!!!!11!!
> 
> aka lucio gets permission from asra to add his friends to the chat and. shit man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look as soon as i got the idea i couldn't stop thinking abt it fellas
> 
> USERNAMES:
> 
> teefs - valdemar  
> I'm babie! - volta  
> Worm Judge - vlastomil  
> fuck bitches get bloodshed - vulgora  
> the mistress - valerius
> 
> sorry for typos! if i catch em they will PERISH (i read and re-read these like 10 times so yall dont have to deal with typos hasdfjghjgf)

8:32 A.M.

**green_gucci_suit** has added **5** new users: **teefs** , **I'm babie!** , **Worm Judge** , **fuck bitches get bloodshed** , and **the mistress**

**green_gucci_suit**

Welcome friends :D

**Worm Judge**

I Must Say I Think I Will Like This Chat!

**what does the fox say**

why do you type like a 12 year old who writes typo-ridden anime fanfiction on deviantart in 2011

**Bootleg Starkiller**

That's oddly specific

**Worm Judge**

Whatever Do You Mean?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

@ **the mistress** WHY IS THAT YOUR USER

**the mistress**

Valdemar made it. I've no clue how to change it. I despise it.

**teefs**

im not wrong

**the mistress**

IT WAS AN HONEST MISUNDERSTANDING.

**Meme Queen**

Don't worry, I've forgiven you, Valerius. I'm well aware you didn't know Lucio was dating me at the time. Nothing was your fault.

**cat_mommie**

Tea??

**Meme Queen**

Lucio cheated on me with Valerius back when we were together. Valerius didn't know Lucio wasn't single.

**green_gucci_suit**

I said I was sorry Noddy :(

**Meme Queen**

You don't get to call me that. Only Portia.

**cat_mommie**

Yeah cause I don't cheat on people you moron

**teefs**

get rekt

**what does the fox say**

.....why do your friends act like this, lucio

**green_gucci_suit**

Because they do!

**I'm babie!**

Aaahhhh sorry I didn't see the notification!!!! Hello guys >~<

**Meme Queen**

It's fine, Volta! Welcome.

**teefs**

which one is julian

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Why are you in this chat.

**teefs**

found him

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

In case you wanted to know, I still haven't forgiven you for trying to dissect me back in college when we were roommates.

**teefs**

i was curious

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

THAT IS NO EXCUSE YOU MONSTER.

**teefs**

oh but julian, reading a book would have never sufficed. i needed to quench my thirst for knowledge with a little research, is all~

**Bootleg Starkiller**

WH,,,,,WHAT THE FUCK

**I'm babie!**

Val could you please not be creepy to Julian?? He seems really uncomfortable T~T

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Voice of Reason Volta slams down the Reasonable Hammer(tm)

**cat_mommie**

Volta youre promoted to most valid in this whole chat (just below Nadi tho cos she's my wifey)

**I'm babie**

Awww thank you!!! OwO

**fuck bitches get bloodshed**

This chat seems rlly lame

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Why, because we aren't constantly at each other's throats and actually have meaningful relationships with the people in it?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yeah that's what I thought

**fuck bitches get bloodshed**

Lmao what's ur problem?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You almost landed Muriel in the hospital once because he wouldn't kiss you when you were drunk

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You constantly threaten Volta for no reason and yell at people when you don't get your way

**Bootleg Starkiller**

You're a narcissist and have no respect for others who don't think the same as you

**Bootleg Starkiller**

And frankly, I wouldn't mind if someone as horrible as you got booted from the chat. :)

**what does the fox say**

GO OFF

**cat_mommie**

LMAO YOU ARE GODSEND

**what does the fox say**

i have to agree with them bye lmaooooooo

_**what does the fox say** kicked **fuck bitches get bloodshed**_

**Worm Judge**

Was That Really Necessary?

**what does the fox say**

i have the power to kick AND ban people buddy, you might be next

**green_gucci_suit**

Asra you said you would let my friends in here don't kick them

**what does the fox say**

vulgoras a piece of shit, what can i say

**green_gucci_suit**

Okay, if you think Vulgora is a bad person type 'yes' in chat

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yes

**Meme Queen**

Yes.

**what does the fox say**

yes

**cat_mommie**

Yes

**muriel_**

yes

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Yes.

**I'm babie!**

Yes ;~;

**the mistress**

Yes.

**teefs**

yes

**green_gucci_suit**

...

**green_gucci_suit**

...Yes

**green_gucci_suit**

So everyone except Vlastomil thinks Vulgora sucks?

**what does the fox say**

yup yup

**Worm Judge**

There Just Difficult Sometimes.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

They're*

**Worm Judge**

Whatever.

**green_gucci_suit**

Well I guess I need to reevaluate my friend choices huh

**what does the fox say**

ur realizing this just now?

**what does the fox say**

also @ **teefs** im surprised you agree with us

**teefs**

im a person of mystery~

**the mistress**

No, you're just a clown.

**teefs**

you really gotta rain on my parade by making fun of ONE of my pairs of shoes huh

**the mistress**

I will continue to do just that until you tell me how to change my username.

**teefs**

yeah no

_**what does the fox say** changed **teefs** username to **clown shoes**_

**what does the fox say**

pipe up

**clown shoes**

wow

**clown shoes**

ok fine

_**the mistress** changed their username to **Valerius**_

**Valerius**

There we go, much better.

**clown shoes**

really? nothing creative?

**Valerius**

No. There's nothing I can think of.

**green_gucci_suit**

Cmon love you can think of something

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

LOVE??

**what does the fox say**

WHY DID YOU CALL HIM LOVE

**cat_mommie**

HWHHAHSH????2/@???

**Meme Queen**

Valerius, did you and Lucio hook up after I broke up with him, or did you two spend some time apart?

**Valerius**

May we discuss this in DMs?

**Meme Queen**

Of course.

* * *

**Valerius >> Meme Queen**

**Valerius**

When I found out that Lucio was cheating on you with me, I was appalled. At first I didn't know what to do, but then I decided it'd be better if I just told you what had been going on. A few years passed by and I slowly forgave him over time, as we both know that he is quite young-minded and... very foolish. But after that long period of not speaking to him, he messaged me, apologizing for everything he did, and so I slowly joined back into his small friend group, and eventually, just about a month and few weeks ago, we started dating each other. I think he understands the word 'loyalty' now.

**Meme Queen**

Thank you for clarifying, Valerius. I hope you know how much I appreciate that. You have my thanks, and my blessings! I hope you and Lucio have a loving relationship filled with happiness.

**Valerius**

Thank you, Nadia. Must all you Satrinavas be so kind?

**Meme Queen**

It simply runs in the family.

* * *

**Valerius**

With that cleared up, yes, Lucio and I are in a relationship, and have been for about a month and a few weeks.

**cat_mommie**

Wow congrats!!

**what does the fox say**

we need a couples list

**Bootleg Starkiller**

I'm on it

**Bootleg Starkiller**

-Me + Julian (2 weeks, dating)

-Asra + Muriel (3 1/2 years, married for 1 year)

-Nadia + Portia (4 years, married for 2 years)

-Valerius + Lucio (1 month + a couple weeks)

**clown shoes**

julian finally has a partner? i would have never seen that coming

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Well, if it helps, you don't have much hope for romance, either.

**clown shoes**

oh don't worry, i'm aro ace, so jokes on you

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

God damn it.

**I'm babie!**

Woahhh some of you guys are MARRIED?! That's so cool!! ^^

**what does the fox say**

muri says i still act like a teen sometimes haha

**what does the fox say**

hes not wrong lol

**muriel_**

i said 'sometimes'

**muriel_**

most of the time you're tolerable

**muriel_**

just kidding

**muriel_**

i love you a lot

**Bootleg Starkiller**

THAT CAME STRAIGHT FOR MY HEART

**cat_mommie**

OMG THAT WAS THE PUREST FORM OF LOVE IVE EVER SEEN

**I'm babie!**

THAT WAS ADORABLE!!! >w<

**what does the fox say**

babe,,,,,, babe ilysm you have no idea how big my smile is rn

**what does the fox say**

come upstairs and bring innana

**what does the fox say**

you, me, faust, and inanna are gonna be in a big pile okay

**muriel_**

okay

_**muriel_** has logged off_

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I honestly did not expect that from Muriel.

**what does the fox say**

he doesnt show it a lot but hes a real sweetheart, he loves doing nice things with me, even if he acts like he doesn't have a heart <3

**what does the fox say**

brb dogpile w the sweetest man in the world

_**what does the fox say** has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

@ **Valerius** I was hoping you'd make a cute username :( 

**Valerius**

Do you want me to?

**green_gucci_suit**

I'll DM you for suggestionssssss

**Valerius**

Alright.

**Meme Queen**

I'm glad you two have worked things out. It's a very nice thing to see.

**cat_mommie**

Yeye

**Meme Queen**

I'm going to go take a quick shower.

**cat_mommie**

I'll tend to the garden, then!

**Meme Queen**

Sounds good!

_**Meme Queen** has logged off_

**_cat_mommie_ ** _has logged off_

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Well I guess we're left to our own devices then, huh

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Actually, I just got two tickets for some new Drama movie. I was wondering if you wanted to see it with me tomorrow.

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yeah sure! Sounds great <3

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

See you tomorrow, then?

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Yep!

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

**_Starkiller's Personal Whore_ ** _has logged off_

**clown shoes**

still in disbelief he has a partner

**Worm Judge**

Well, What Happens Happens.

**clown shoes**

i suppose

**I'm babie!**

Be happy for him!!! I know I am nwn

**Worm Judge**

Well, I Guess If You're Happy Then We're Happy.

_**Worm Judge** has logged off_

**_I'm babie!_ ** _has logged off_

**_clown shoes_ ** _has logged off_

_**Valerius** changed their username to **Discount Cardi B**_

**green_gucci_suit**

After all the ideas and you settle on THAT one?

**Discount Cardi B**

It made me laugh. Plus, we match, don't we?

**green_gucci_suit**

Ohhh I guess we do! Heehee

**Discount Cardi B**

See you tomorrow.

**green_gucci_suit**

Wdym?

**Discount Cardi B**

We're going on a date. 11:30 A.M., meet me at the fountain. I'm taking you to the new French cuisine place.

**green_gucci_suit**

OH

**green_gucci_suit**

OH THAT WAS SMOOTH

**green_gucci_suit**

god ily

**green_gucci_suit**

See you tomorrow then <333

_**green_gucci_suit** has logged off_

**_Discount Cardi B_ ** _has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think ive ever mentioned some ppl were married oops (maybe cause i uh... had the idea while writing this chapter......... oops)
> 
> p.s. i love volta. so much. babby girl. she doesnt deserve bad things
> 
> also could you tell i hate vulgora
> 
> ........i still havent forgiven her for mocking mc and hurting muriel in chapter ix


	6. fellas...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asra gets high and everybody loses their braincells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ideas are hard to come by but then suddenly i got hit over the head with one. have this shitfest
> 
> im also INCREDIBLY lazy. it's spectacular
> 
> also there's some spoilers for danganronpa in this chapter oops. if you like that anime/game and havent gotten past like, the majority of the anime/game then don't,,,, don't read oops
> 
> AND I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS LATE. LIKE HOLY SHIT. i am so so,,, s o r r y
> 
> once again..... i apologize for typos

3:47 P.M.

**what does the fox say**

you remember the episode of yokai watch where the metal cat got a sword shoved up his ass and he begged for more

**cat_mommie**

Hi! What the fuck :)

**what does the fox say**

no like he legitimately was aroused he had fucking blush and everything

**what does the fox say**

there is PROOF i know that clip fucking exists

**Bootleg Starkiller**

*softly, but with feeling* What the fuck

**what does the fox say**

IT FUCKING EXISTS ON GOD

**what does the fox say**

PROVING YOU ASSHOLES WRONG RIGHT NOW

**muriel_**

he hasn't stopped talking about that scene for about three hours now

**muriel_**

he's high

**cat_mommie**

Wait is he like. ACTUALLY high right now

**muriel_**

yeah he's been smoking for a bit now, he's pretty high

**Bootleg Starkiller**

When he and I roomed together in college it always smelled like weed

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Old habits die hard, huh

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I can only recall one occasion where Asra smoked... vaped, rather. I believe it was mango flavored? I couldn't stop smelling it.

**clown shoes**

ooh, but if the smoking was with cigarettes his lungs would go black... i'd love to dissect him if that were the case~~

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Every time I see you in chat I briefly relive my traumatic past with you and the goddamn butter knife poised over my throat like you were about to deep throat with me it. Fucking terrifying.

**clown shoes**

you probably wouldn't have minded it if i HAD dissected you.

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

I WAS GOING TO CALL THE COPS ON YOU. YOU BELLIGERENT FUCKING FOOL. BOBO THE GODDAMN CLOWN.

_**Starkiller's Personal Whore**_ _sent an image_

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Beep beep bitch ur ride is here

**cat_mommie**

DID I REALLY JUST SEE JULIAN TYPE A SENTENCE IN """incorrect format"""???????

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

The joke wouldn't have landed as well.

**cat_mommie**

That's what they aaaallllll say

**what does the fox say**

[I FUCKING KNEW IT YOU ASSWIPES.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtKYn45tEXE)

**what does the fox say**

LOOK WHAT I FOUND????????????????

**cat_mommie**

OH MY GOD WHAT AM I WATCHING

**cat_mommie**

WHY IS THE CAT MOANING ISN'T THIS A KID'S SHOW????

**Bootleg Starkiller**

WHASHDNJ WHY??????? WHY DID THE CAT JUST BUST A PHAT NUT

**what does the fox say**

OH PLEASE METAL DADDY FILL ME WITH UR r o b o j u i c e s HNGNHNGNG

**Meme Queen**

Greeting and salutations, Asra! What in the god damn hell did I just read.

**cat_mommie**

NADIA U SWORE U LEGALLY CANNOT DO THAT

**Meme Queen**

The cops can't catch me if I run fast enough.

**cat_mommie**

Good god ily

**Meme Queen**

<3

**what does the fox say**

(coughs) gay

**Meme Queen**

Tell them, Porita.

**cat_mommie**

Indeed, Naduya Satrimi. (Ahem) I don't wanna hear that from you, Asra, you literally started screaming 'lesbian rights' at the bar when two girls drunkenly kissed

**what does the fox say**

shit u rite

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Nadia, you sounded like this one anime character when you said that. I'm sure you know which one, judging by Portia's... mixing of your names.

**cat_mommie**

HUH WHAT

**cat_mommie**

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE AND I REFERENCED

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

...Do you not remember that you and I binged the show?

**cat_mommie**

Did.... did we

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

You couldn't stop crying when "big lesbian goddess" died.

**cat_mommie**

CRIES HARDER

**what does the fox say**

the guy who got turned to butter was a fucking snack yo

**cat_mommie**

HE LOOKED LIKE CORN THO?

**what does the fox say**

exactly. a snack

**cat_mommie**

YOU DON'T JUST EAT A CORN COB AS A SNACK

**what does the fox say**

i do

**muriel_**

so that's where the corn's been going

**cat_mommie**

WHAT??

**muriel_**

joking

**cat_mommie**

Can't believe you emerged from your cave to tell a joke that was amazing

**Discount Cardi B**

I open the chat and the topic is... corn cobs?

**green_gucci_suit**

Babe they're talking that one anime we watched with like the black and white bear that executed high school students

**Discount Cardi B**

Oh, that one. My favorite was the blonde one with glasses.

**Meme Queen**

Because he's you?

**Discount Cardi B**

I will neither confirm nor deny that statement.

**green_gucci_suit**

Idk I liked the main character he was cute

**what does the fox say**

he's a fucking egg? shut the hell your mouth? dumbass?

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

Makoto was cute, come on. No more fighting.

**what does the fox say**

ohhhhh no were not done. were throwing hands white boy

**cat_mommie**

Fight fight fight fight fight

**Meme Queen**

No fighting. Pasha, dear, please do not encourage such actions. Unless if we are betting money... then my money goes on Asra.

**cat_mommie**

U TWO ARE FIGHTING NOW OFFICIALLY NADIA SAID SO

**cat_mommie**

SEE YA NERDS

_**cat_mommie** has logged off_

**_Meme Queen_ ** _has logged off_

**what does the fox say**

MEET ME BEHIND THE DENNYS DUMPSTER AT EXACTLY 6:30 PM BET YOU WONT PUSSY

_**what does the fox say** has logged off_

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

What did I get myself into...

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Don't worry when I show up he'll back off

**Bootleg Starkiller**

Hopefully

_**Bootleg Starkiller** has logged off_

**Starkiller's Personal Whore**

One can only hope. See you there, my savior.

**_Starkiller's Personal Whore_ ** _has logged off_

**green_gucci_suit**

Asra will definitely win

**Discount Cardi B**

Let us see, then.

_**Discount Cardi B** has logged off_

**_green_gucci_suit_ ** _has logged off_

**clown shoes**

can't wait to see both of them die. dissection tiiiime~~

_**clown shoes** has logged off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why'd i throw in dr? don't know, i just love it. and taka's my fave bye (peace sign)

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i need to explain the apprentice's username
> 
> ...it's a joke. that's it. do your research and see for yourselves i feel like sherlock making that joke


End file.
